He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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