I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
