I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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