I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
