Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize
