So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
