You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
