he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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