woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
