You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
