I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
