i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
