Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
