we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
