My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
