"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
