We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
