How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
