It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
