Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
