we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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