Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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