I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
