**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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