I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
