I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
