I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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