I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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