Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
