im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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