He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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