I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
