just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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