Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
