and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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