I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
