if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
