you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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