just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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