p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
