I showed him my bush... on skype.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
