i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
