:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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