you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the liver wants what the liver wants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
