Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
