if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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