Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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