Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
