she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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