bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
