Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This baby is an asshole
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
