My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
