I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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