I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
