4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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