i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
