Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
