Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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